Enter Lung Turtle Three Creams and Bullwhip Stew

Today to the strains of Happy Birthday (Happy Blurday to
yoo, Happy Blurday too yoo, psst Engrish!) I tried penis. (don’t….)

It’s not my blurday either. I have about another 9 months.
I’m not quite sure why the largest buffet restaurant in the world thought it
was but since they went to the effort of a full band I wasn’t going to stop
them.

The dick was a lot smaller than the band. I have no idea
what creature it originated from. I’m hoping, desperately that it wasn’t dog.
The pinyin word for hound is “Gǒu” and that wasn’t on the display panel, a Mandarin
character similar to the one for deep fried Labrador was however. Lots of
Chinese characters look similar…

Even though my big furry yellow friend back home probably
wouldn’t object to me eating dog, assuming it wasn’t our own pack I still don’t
feel comfortable with it.

Golden Jaguar unlike the erm… “organ” *coughs* is enormous.
Easily the largest buffet in the world it costs just £20 for a spread that
would put most Las Vegas places to shame. It’s a pity that the food is
undeniably horrible! The reviews are scathing and mostly with good reason. The
chef responsible for the Sushi deserves instant sacking while the guy who came
up with the English titling deserves either a medal or sectioning. I can’t
decide which.

A special mention has to go to the Enter lung turtle three
creams. Let’s hope it never enters
anywhere near me again. It was disgusting! Easily the worst dessert (is it a
dessert? The appearance of cream with an orange segment on top means nothing
here)  I’ve ever had the misfortune to
try. 

A google search of “Enter Lung Turtle Three Creams” reveals
nothing except something about respiratory diseases in reptiles so possibly
bronchitis infected loggerhead is a popular dish here. After nearly a week in
Beijing it really wouldn’t surprise me.